R.I.P BoganVillia

We had a bit of a ‘working bee’ today. DogLady loves gardening, and she was distraught, but it was apparently her own fault.

We were late…by like forty five minutes..because, no nothing went wrong it was just that it was DogLady and me so were always that off schedule.

And everyone had started without us, as we arrive DogLady starts worrying, and I ask what’s wrong and all she says is ‘The BoganVillia’

And I’m like the what?’

She then unwinds the windows and yells at the men chopping some plant of a fence.

‘Oi what are you doing to the bogan villia?’

They start explaining that the plants  over grown

‘but I said I was going to trim it today’ she complained

‘Excuse me who’s a bogan?’ I asked

‘not who, what, over there that plant’ she points and then continues her complaints

‘oh, I see’ as I look at a big green bush with purple leaves on it.

She then starts talking about stupid men who think they can just chop things down, but it was too late because it was gone.

Then she gets upset because they’re going to burn it and I’m like ‘well its dead now….anyway’ that was not the right thing to say.

So we were stuck pruning roses and I had to listen to half an hour of

‘oh gee dosen’t the fence look so much prettier than the bogan villia, and damn rose thorns don’t hurt as much as seeing my bogan villia chopped down, and why did god make men to try our patience and chop down our bogan villias, and I’m so angry right now I could chop someone’s head off like they chopped down my bogan villia, you just wait they’re gonna hear what I have to say about it’

And I said ‘because they can’t hear you complaining about it?

‘well is my bogan villia still chopped down?’

‘I’ll buy you your own boganvillia for your house, and that way no one can chop it down’ I said

‘I don’t want my own, I liked that one!’

I sighed, I knew there was emotional attachment there, but were not going into that, let’s just say this particular boganvillia got a lot of love during a tough time, and I knew if they ever chopped it down it would be bad but this is just ridiculous!.

‘they think they can just take down my bogan villia, well just tear out our hearts, what is it with men thinking they can just walk all over you’ she then proceeded to leave me and find some sympathizers, she found two.

Damnit Bogan villia sympathizers, now I get it from two angles!

Poor DogLady, she’s so upset, and then her granddaughter drew her a picture about it and it made her cry, and DogLady just dosent cry so she must’ve been really upset about the BoganVillia.

On the bright side I now know the names of three flower-planty things. Rose, Daisy, and BoganVillia.

R.I.P dead burnt BoganVillia.

Then she proceeded to launch into a speech about it was her fault because we were late, and it was her fault because she didn’t prune it, and it was her fault because she got attached to a plant, and all I thought, was this is great because I feel no need to take ANY responsibility for ANYTHING I do EVER again, so long as DogLadys around because apparently it’s all her fault.

And to the men who chopped it down, nice fence…. and remember;

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and if still waters run deep, DogLadys pretty damn deep, so I’d run…oh and think about planting a new BoganVillia, I don’t want to deal with the subliminal rage that she’s been letting off all day, make it improve please.

P.S. This is a general but not exact, paint replica of the picture. it did not ease the pain at all.

I'm A Drug dealer

Ok let’s get this straight.

I am NOT innocent towards worldly ways ok.

No I know all about drinking, and violence and drugs and mental health and suicide and sex and rock and roll and all that stuff, and I don’t pretend that I don’t because I think it is all a part of life, I grew up around this kind of stuff so I’m not oblivious.

But sometimes when I make an announcement like ‘oh yeah were growing weed do you guys want some? I truly wonder.

It all started when DogLady and I decided to grow our own weed. Fish weed that is, weeds that you feed to fish, or normal people would call them aquatic plants, or sea weed or whatever, we call is fish weed.

So we get onto growing it, it’s doing well and then someone is talking to me about our town and the fact that I never lock any of my doors and they say

‘well you should because it used to be a pretty rough town and some of the old people are still around’

‘what do you mean by rough?’ I ask

‘you know they were into alcohol, and the guy next to you used to grow weed’

‘oh really? Were growing weed!’

‘are you?’

‘yeah do you want some!...oh wait hang on’ and that’s when I realized that my one track innocent mind had gone back to thinking about fish and not what was being said ‘sorry wrong sort, fish weed, not paying attention again…please continue…’

The turtles adventure

Catch this. I babysat shorts yesterday and after he was bored for ages, he asked what I do, and I told him I write, so he gave it a go, this is the story he wrote.

He turned nine last Sunday.

THE TUTRLES ADVENTUR

Once in the sea lived a young turtle, His name was fillip. Fillip loved adventures and turtle ice-cream. But there was a problem in the sea because the shark king ruled. But fillip had an idea when he was sleeping, it was a idea to defeat the shark king, he was thinking for a long time, but what he needed was far far away hidden in a secret cave but no one knew where the secret cave is, and it is guarded by lots of tough fish. One of the fish were called a vampire fish. There were also magnificent gold fish, and the gold fish is a tough fish and he gaurds the dead fish skeletons.

And the turtle was afraid, but he had a strong heart, so he went to sleep that night and headed into the cave the next day.

But when the turtle was swimming to the cave a hook appeared infront of him and then lots of hooks were there, he looked up he swam up, and when he got there there were lots of fisherman he was trapped so he swam back down into the dark, but he had good eyesight in the dark and he went deep under the hooks, and when the tough fish came, he told them not to go near the fish hooks because youll get trapped and die and be cut up into pieces and be sold to people, or people will keep you as pets and they mightkill you or feed you to the animals!’

But the goldfish didn’t listen so the turtle said ‘fine ill show you?’ and he took the bait of the hooks and the fish said ‘thankyou you are our hero and so the turtle took more of and gave it to the fish, and they said thankyou how can we honour you?’

‘I need the tools in the cave to defeat the shark king’

‘no we cant the caves are guarded my the vampire fish, and we are weak we havnt trained in a week!’

‘well you should train by picking up rocks so that you can get stronger!’ said the turtle.

How cute! I han’nt edited it, so it’s just like he wrote it…shorts is soo cute!

I'm emotionally retarded

I’m in love with emotionally retarded men.

Spock….

But I can’t watch spock because Sleepy owns the movie and she’s not here, she better bring the DVD when she comes on holiday,

So I watched X-men

 Wolverine-self explanatory

So I thought I’d watch some old movies.

Marry Poppins. Bert is so cute…but would he ever settle down? I think not.

 and now for the final yes I admit this although its rather shameful.

Captain VonTrapp - also self explanatory…

Oh and Maxum-rebecca

Although it could be more to do with men and singing,

Once again captain VonTrapp singing Eidleveiss

Gerry –p.s. I love you

Jonny cash-the movie

Ooh and then john Cusack in….well anything really but mostly must love dogs and/or martin child.

Anyway no maybe it’s got something to do with a certain gentlemanly/old fashioned personality.

No I think I’m just emotionally retarded.

Endlessly Benevolent

Because I am such a loving and kind and endlessly benevolent owner that I share my bed with Bindii and Nulla, this does not however mean that Bindii can lay sideways or that Nulla can prick my face whenever I put my head on MY pillow.

Actually my pillow is the awesomest, I was thinking about this because of reading airplaned’s blog about his new pillow.

I’m never getting a new pillow, I love mine, it’s made of rags and feathers and had had a new pillowcase sewn over it because it’s old one was torn off by Bindii when she was a puppy.

It’s slightly lumpy, but still soft, the best comfiest pillow ever.

This pillow has great sentimental value to it, it was my boyfriends fathers pillow, after his mother died he was moved between fostering homes and this pillow was one of the few things he was able to hold on to that belonged to his father, I always tried to steal it because it’s really comfortable, and then when he died, I took it because it still smelt like him for a long time, now it mostly smells like my shampoo and a bit like Bindii, but if you bury your face deep in it, it still smells like him a bit, that has nothing to do me throwing the rest of his aftershave on the pillow, no it does not.

Anyway I love this pillow, I’m currently leaning on it now, pillows are the best especially when you get one that you really love.

And I really love this one even if it does have like a million dribble marks on it.

Back to Bindii and Nulla, it is currently the middle of the day, we have two three seated lounges, and I’m sitting on the end of one, not by choice, I started in the middle and have slowly been pushed to the end because Bindii wants a cuddle and I don’t want to hug her, so she got closer and I moved away and she got closer until I ran out of couch and now my arm is over her while I am typing one handed.

How did that happen?

Oh that’s right because I’m a kind loving and endlessly benevolent owner.

Rhyme This is such a bore?

DogLady’s daughter and grandchildren are moving to Sydney so we have been organizing a fairwell party. Farmville is making them a scrap book, and she’s trying to write a poem about their stay here, to match the photos.

It goes something like

You brighten our day

We wish you could stay,

We love going for walks with you and the dogs

We love playing hide and seek, finding you under pine logs

You brighten our cloudy days

Your smile feels like sun rays

Tessa and izzy                               

At school are busy

I don’t know something like this, it’s written for a four and six year old girls, but man we were laughing at it and poor farmville was trying to rhyme a word with sure;

We gave her, bore, tore, implore, sore, everything that she couldn’t use, poor farmville she’s trying so hard. :D

Art Room done!

Today I set up my art room, it looks great, has all my pictures on the wall, I love it, I dedicated a small space by the window to my painting section because the sun comes in there and it’s so nice.

Bindii has claimed the small section by the window as her own, she likes the sun too, now I have to go move it all around…damn dog!

Attacked!

DogLady invited Bindii and I to her place for lunch, I thought this was okay, so I said yes and then she broke out the green juice at 1.30 in the afternoon.

Alas I can’t escape my fate of green juice drinking.

Anyway Bindii ended up trying to eat her cat, it did not go well, we had to rush the cat to the vet, she was okay, but she was pretty sore, no broken bones or anything, but she didn’t look well, the poor darling.

 Mind you this cost me $50 witch I was not happy about stupid dog don’t you know were dirt poor at the moment!

Sometimes I hate her.

She’s not usually vicious, but when she was a puppy she was stolen and blooded in preparation to be used as a fighting dog.

Blooding a dog is when they starve and beat them for week while injecting drugs into them like speed and ice, and then they cover a smaller animal, like a rat, rabbit, cat, small dog in blood, and throw them in with the dog being blooded and encourage them to kill and eat it, it’s horrible, anyway when we got her back she was really vicious, and it took ages to train it out of her, she was only stolen for two months before we got her back, but it makes a huge impact on her life.

And it seems that no matter how much training I give her she always messes up, but I always forgive her because it’s not her fault, she only ever attacks cats and fox terriers, never a human or any other animal, so I think that’s what she must’ve been trained with, but I thought she got on well with DogLady’s cat..obviously not, it’s my fault I suppose I shouldn’t leave her with a cat I feel so bad, anyway, DogLady was understandably pretty upset and in her panic on the way to the vets, something fell of the backseat of the car and hits the floor, and she says

‘what was that’ in slight panic

‘I don’t know, something fell I think’ I answered ’oh I thought a wheel fell of the car’ she said

‘yeah nan, because we wouldn’t notice a whole wheel coming of while were driving along’ FishBoy laughed.

Poor DogLady she must’ve been stressed, but man it was funny!.