Sunday, 17 April 2011

R.I.P BoganVillia

We had a bit of a ‘working bee’ today. DogLady loves gardening, and she was distraught, but it was apparently her own fault.
We were late…by like forty five minutes..because, no nothing went wrong it was just that it was DogLady and me so were always that off schedule.
And everyone had started without us, as we arrive DogLady starts worrying, and I ask what’s wrong and all she says is ‘The BoganVillia’
And I’m like the what?’
She then unwinds the windows and yells at the men chopping some plant of a fence.
‘Oi what are you doing to the bogan villia?’
They start explaining that the plants  over grown
‘but I said I was going to trim it today’ she complained
‘Excuse me who’s a bogan?’ I asked
‘not who, what, over there that plant’ she points and then continues her complaints
‘oh, I see’ as I look at a big green bush with purple leaves on it.
She then starts talking about stupid men who think they can just chop things down, but it was too late because it was gone.
Then she gets upset because they’re going to burn it and I’m like ‘well its dead now….anyway’ that was not the right thing to say.
So we were stuck pruning roses and I had to listen to half an hour of
‘oh gee dosen’t the fence look so much prettier than the bogan villia, and damn rose thorns don’t hurt as much as seeing my bogan villia chopped down, and why did god make men to try our patience and chop down our bogan villias, and I’m so angry right now I could chop someone’s head off like they chopped down my bogan villia, you just wait they’re gonna hear what I have to say about it’
And I said ‘because they can’t hear you complaining about it?
‘well is my bogan villia still chopped down?’
‘I’ll buy you your own boganvillia for your house, and that way no one can chop it down’ I said
‘I don’t want my own, I liked that one!’
I sighed, I knew there was emotional attachment there, but were not going into that, let’s just say this particular boganvillia got a lot of love during a tough time, and I knew if they ever chopped it down it would be bad but this is just ridiculous!.
‘they think they can just take down my bogan villia, well just tear out our hearts, what is it with men thinking they can just walk all over you’ she then proceeded to leave me and find some sympathizers, she found two.
Damnit Bogan villia sympathizers, now I get it from two angles!
Poor DogLady, she’s so upset, and then her granddaughter drew her a picture about it and it made her cry, and DogLady just dosent cry so she must’ve been really upset about the BoganVillia.
On the bright side I now know the names of three flower-planty things. Rose, Daisy, and BoganVillia.
R.I.P dead burnt BoganVillia.
Then she proceeded to launch into a speech about it was her fault because we were late, and it was her fault because she didn’t prune it, and it was her fault because she got attached to a plant, and all I thought, was this is great because I feel no need to take ANY responsibility for ANYTHING I do EVER again, so long as DogLadys around because apparently it’s all her fault.
And to the men who chopped it down, nice fence…. and remember;
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and if still waters run deep, DogLadys pretty damn deep, so I’d run…oh and think about planting a new BoganVillia, I don’t want to deal with the subliminal rage that she’s been letting off all day, make it improve please.

P.S. This is a general but not exact, paint replica of the picture. it did not ease the pain at all.

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