Thursday, 14 April 2011

The embarrasing air-conditioner... Because I'm an idiot.!!!

Ok, so as I said, I had a problem with the air conditioning in my last blog.
Well the people who come and fix the air conditioning came today, and well it was the most embarrassing experience of my life… not really but it was pretty bad.
You know when you do something stupid and you know it’s going to end badly, but your too buisy/tired/don’t-care to not do it.
Well I was brushing my teeth when someone knocked on the door, I thought it might just be DogLady so I answered the door with my tooth brush in my mouth, which is a really stupid thing to do, so I invite the air conditioner fixer guy in, and a boy who I went to school with is his apprentice, so he looks at me gives me a huge wave and says
 without thinking (because I’ve been really tired and I’m super forgetful, (so much so that I annoy even myself) I say
 back, forgetting that I had a toothbrush in my mouth, and I proceed to dribble toothpaste all down my chin, so I wave them in the direction of the air conditioner, which is un-neccicairy (because it’s a huge thing on the wall,) and then I go to clean up my face.
Then as I re-appear I try to put Bindii on the lead because she runs away and they were in and out of the front door, and somehow I end up tripping over and landing flat on my face. And apparently four years isn’t very long, that or people you go to school with have long memories. Because the boy I went to school with smiles at me and says
‘Gee so things haven’t changed much eh?’
I simply frown and try to retain any semblance of intelligence I might have by explaining that the air conditioner only blows cold air and not hot air.
Then the timer for Nulla’s (my cat) medication goes off, and I have to give it to her straight away  otherwise I forget, because like I said I’m really forgetful, and so I give it to her, which mind you is a job that takes forever and is really hard because she doesn’t like it and when you try to give a cat something they don’t want… well all I have to say on that subject is they have claws… sharp claws, so there’s lots of ouchies and hurties involved in this process, they probably thought I was trying to kill her.
Anyway after this, I fed Bindii also, and the cat and Bindii had to have a fight, (because it’s dinner time and they both get jealous of each other, because I might actually starve them or something) that I had to break up because…
‘That behavior is not acceptable in this house and if you’re going to act like animals you can get outside and be treated like one, and don’t give me that look young lady!’ (mind you they are actually animals so my comment is negated, I realize this but because they are animals I don’t retract it, they’re not really going to pull me up on my language accuracy)
Bindii looks all dejected and whines
‘No I do not want to hear it, you are old enough to know better and sometimes you are so ignorant you’re going to kill her one day’
Nulla hisses at Bindii again
‘And you, you’re supposed to be old and with a dodgey heart, acting like a three year old is not ok, don’t you stir her back up again, No, don’t look at her, I’m talking, you listen, you’re going to have a heart attack again
Bindii teases cat again
‘Ok that’s it’
I reach for the Bindii slapper
‘You’re in for it now young lady I warned you and you didn’t listen.’
I smack her with her *special* wooden spoon, and she gives me a sad look
‘Don’t look at me like that, you shouldn’t be so obnoxious’
Cat gives dog another horrible look
‘Do you want the slapper too?’
She sits down and decides to behave
‘Right, glad that’s sorted, goodness me, and you’re on heart medication, between the two of you I’m the one who’s going to have a heart attack’
They both look apologetic and start sucking up, purring and rubbing themselves on my leg
‘Don’t be like that, the only one who behaves out of you is Chloe’
(Chloe is my older dog who has died, but her cremation box sits on the bookshelf, and I have a necklace with some of her inside a metal heart.)
And then I proceed to go on about how Chloe was always the best behaved probably because she could hardly walk, but still….
And then I round the corner of my kitchen and realize that the air conditioner fixing guys were still there.
And yes they heard it all and they were laughing.
And so I tried to explain my crazy-ness, but no it was unexplainable because… well it is unexplainable, and the one I went to school with laughs and says it’s ok because he already knew I was crazy and he’s seen so much worse from me.
‘Talking to yourself again?’ he asked
‘Yeah… I mean you know…’
‘Yes practice..non-flu…anamorphy thing’
‘Progressive non-fluent aphasia’ I corrected a little embarrassed
‘Isn’t that a contradiction?’
‘What?’ I asked
‘That you can say that?’
‘Oh… yeah well practice and all that’
(about six years ago I was hit in the head and got it, it’s where the left frontal lobe sustains injury, anyway- you know what you want to say but it’s really hard to get it out sometimes, which is really frustrating, but with enough practice I can speak normally and most people don’t even know I have it, unless I get upset or angry or tired and then I get a stutter, but anyway the more you talk the less it happens, so I talk aloud to myself to keep in practice)
‘I know but it just makes you sound crazy’ he laughed.
I sighed knowing he was completely right and then I offer them a hot drink, in the spirit of small town friendliness and they decline, I don’t wonder why, not at all.
And then the one I went to school with tells me about this party and that I can come along if I want to, and while I’m trying to say ‘no it’s okay, I rather the quiet of my own home now days,’ I end up with something more like ‘I’m a loner and don’t like people…oh but I have one friend…that’s not a dog.’
Anyway then the really embarrassing part
‘There’s nothing wrong with the air conditioner’ the man told me.
I looked puzzled.
‘You do however have to put it on heating not cooling for it to blow warm air.’ He explained
‘Oh’ I looked around ‘But how do you do that?’ I asked feeling really stupid
‘You press this button, see the one that says heat
‘Oh… that must be what that picture of the sun on the little screen means’ I smiled
‘Yes… and before it had a picture of a snowflake’ he added.
‘Well in my defense, I think I would’ve figured that out but I didn’t know that part of the remote flipped down, no wonder it wouldn’t work’ I smiled
They both looked at me.
‘Hey no one else that looked at it figured it out either’ I answered
(and indeed five other people had looked at it for me)
‘That’s true’ he agreed
‘Yeah but then you can’t claim that as your defense, it’s like remember the time….’
The boy I went to school then proceeded to launch into a conversation about me bringing down the whole schools computer system… and the time I wrote on the white board in permanent texta… and the time I got caught in the lift and didn’t know what button to press… and the time I fell down the stairs…. and the time my friend gave me a water balloon and told me it was a condom and I gave it to my boyfriend… and the time I froze the teachers laptop…… and the time I pressed the wrong button and put our conversation instead of the song on the radio… and the time I put the wrong flour in the cake… and the time I stabbed myself with the pen… and the time I accidently mixed up the……
you get the point.
Anyway I tried to look dignified when I took my glasses of to wipe my eyes and readjust them, but I ended up poking myself in the eye when I tried to put them back on, and he just laughed saying something about ‘point proven,’ I mumbled something about ‘enough said.’
And when they left I felt like an utter idiot and wanted to scream
‘I’m not always this stupid!’
 After them, but thought that wouldn’t be the most sane thing to do, not at all.
Anyway, so that was my embarrassing day, please feel free to make me feel better by leaving your own embarrassing comments.
P.S. Although I do do a lot of stupid things I’m really not this completely blonde all the time.

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