Mr.Wonderful

Ok here’s the thing, I’m still technically allowed to gush over a guy/man because I’m only twenty and I don’t think I have to get over that until I’m about twenty five, but it’s not often I do so, because I know they’re a bad idea.

They take over your life, force you to fall desperately in love with them even though you can’t figure out why because they make you do a bunch of boring stuff like fixing the car and watching the footy and they have weird complexes and make you feel carsick all the time, and make you feel fat, even though they say ‘but I love you the way you are’ and then you get all self conscious and have to check your hair and buy lavender scented soap even though coconut is on sale, and you have to watch boring things like StarGate and My Ile Home and old black and white movies even thought that bored you incredibly at the time, and now you’re obsessed. And they force you to eat Anzacs and  go swimming and buy a dog and join a band, and then they make you irrational and you fight and break up or worse fight and don’t break up because then you have to deal with the seething silence, and then they make you take care of them when they’re sick and while they have a cold, they think they’re dying and turn the next week into a living hell, and then they bring their friends home who expect you to serve them beer all night, and they take away your insecurities and make you happy and say really sweet things that make you go even gooer witch seems impossible, and they promise to stay with you forever and love you and make you happy eternally and then they go and die. Or they expect you to negate the past ten years of your life because they really do love you more, or they aren’t who they seemed, or you simply can’t stand them, or whatever.

So yeah I might only be twenty but I’m a little bitter about it, so for me to meet a guy and gush is quiet a shocking experience.

And Sleepy isn’t here for me to tell her all about it witch is really annoying, so I’m just going to have to vent to you guys.

So I met a lovely guy yesterday, no actually man because guy is too undignified for what I met only this Man was not like a million years old, and I didn’t ask his age because…well that’s rude and I’m really not that confidant, but I know that he wasn’t born before ash Wednesday thanks Sweetness and Shorts by the way for that information, so he can’t be older than thirty, but I don’t think he’s older than twenty five, because of the way he spoke however looks can be deceiving.

He’s not overly handsome, in fact he’s balding, and well average… however…he proceeded to speak and I was completely enthralled listening to him talking about the world and space and creation and particle physics and Albert Einstein and splitting atoms, because all that stuff really turns me on, which is just sad really, but true. And then I was talking to my Nan and DogLady and WowHeGotTall was talking to him, I was of course determined not to talk to him because as previously stated I’m bitter towards men and determinedly so, I figured he seemed so great that I didn’t want to talk to him and have that ruined, or worse find out that he really is perfect and be totally embarrassed by my lack of dignity and general clumsiness.

But as it was I had to pass them to get my bag because DogLady had informed me that we were leaving.

And so I briskly walked past this lovely man and WowHeGotTall, and I muttered a ‘excuse me’ as I squished past WowHeGotTall and the wall and continued towards my bag and that’s when I heard it.

‘Hello’ a voice said

I knew it wasn’t WowHeGotTall’s voice because his still hasn’t broken, so I was faced with a dilemma, do I pretend I’m really deaf and ignore him, but no because I’ve secretly been itching to say hello, but no I’m not admitting that and then but oh, no deaf deaf deaf, and I trip over myself….(embarrassment)

‘Oh wait… I’m supposed to be getting my bag…I mean hello, but we’re going…’ I rambled and then I decided to shut up, pick up my bag and turn around hold my hand out and attempt to introduce myself… of course it’s then that my stupid stutter kicks in and I can’t manage to get anything at all out.

‘hi I’m…..’let’s call him M.Wonderful

‘hi m-Mr.Wonderful, I Sara-h’

‘hello Sarah’

‘hi’

‘It’s nice to meet you’

‘you to-o’ I smiled nervously

He smiles

I smile

WowHeGotTall is still saying something about his apple project

He’s still smiling and vaguely nodding at WowHeGotTall

I’m still smiling and perhaps blushing

And he’s smiling…still

And woops, big woops huge woops, and yes I am currently panicking, because not only did I embarrass myself with the few words I did say  sounding like I was mentally damaged, I was still hanging on to his hand… but then he was still hanging on to mine, but no! I snatched it back, and he didn’t seem to be half as embarrassed as I was, but then he hadn’t sounded like an idiot when he spoke either, and I was so busy mentally scolding myself because I haven’t stuttered this badly in months, I found myself rambling on about how intelligent he had sounded and that I had really enjoyed listening to him, which sounded stupid and then he started a conversation about a big telescope, and I was really interested, no I actually was,  so much so that I forgot how nervous and gushy I was because I was actually listening and we were chatting like we had known each other for years, which is a massive feat for me because I don’t meet new people well, and then WowHeGotTall got upset and wouldn’t shut up and go away, and he was trying to tell us about a telescope, but it wasn’t our telescope…(I just wrote that didn’t it….*silence* it’s a muti-million dollar telescope not ours…but anyway)

So WowHeGotTall broke back into the conversation by asking about biscuits that I had promised his mom, and I sincerely wanted to hit him, I never get the urge to hit WowHeGotTall, all the other kids sure, but not him, but seriously if I didn’t want to hit him or beat him with a big metal pole right now.

I mentioned something about he could pick them up on his way home from school, and then Mr.Wonderful was saying ‘oh so you like cooking?’ and I said that I only baked one kind of biscuit mostly, not that I couldn’t, but it was my aunties special recipe and blah blah blah, and I wanted to then hug WowHeGotTall and give him lots of biscuits because it was probably the first thing that I didn’t sound completely stupid saying, and Mr.Wonderful actually looked impressed.

And somehow we moved onto fusion power and how I think it’s a stupid idea and look what happened with the nuclear power in Japan and they want to put fusion power which is at least three times more unstable in the middle of our desert, no thank you I’m not up for that. I don’t want radiation blowing my way, and then he said about how it’s not just blowing what if it leaks into the water…

And then he told me that I looked nice, and I said ‘What these old things?’ and then I shook my head at how stupid that sounded, but I was actually wearing old clothes and my shirt actually had a hole in it because I was running late and I had colored a patch of skin in black so it wasn’t so noticeable in the car on the way here, so I proceeded to explain that, lest I sound like an idiot fishing for compliments, but then I realized that now I just sounded like a daggy un-organized idiot fishing for compliments, none the less he smiled and said that I did look pretty anyway.

And then Shorts and Boombox came over and started hanging of me, and Boombox got her hairclip caught on my top because she’s just that height and when she turned around my top was pulled away from my skin and had un-ceremonisally revealed my chest, I wanted to hug WowHeGotTall again because I think he had stolen Mr.Wonderful’s attention at just the right moment so he didn’t actually notice… apart from the fact that I half fell into his arm, and he looked at me and smiled and just told Boombox to be more careful about throwing her weight around.

And then Mr.Wonderful was telling me about his dad, and how he used to be a biologist and astrophysicist, and I had said ‘wow he’d provide some interesting conversation’, and Mr.Wonderful had said that he thought his dad would like me and he was sure we’d get on, and he’d have to introduce me someday. I smiled and then he started asking about my family and where I lived and for how long and why I moved back and why I’d moved away and where did I prefer and had I ever been to where he came from and I should go. And then Boombox started talking about some statue in the local museum that Giggle had made and Shorts and Sweetness had to join in, and I didn’t actually want to hit them like I still wanted to hit WowHeGotTall because he still wouldn’t shut up and go away, Shorts and Boombox were ok, because they gave me the chance to observe Mr.Wonderful with children, and he actually liked them which made him all the more attractive, and Sweetness and him were talking about ash wednesday actually meaning black Tuesday, but I derived an age estimate around those comments.

It was about then that I actually asked WowHeGotTall to leave, and he did…thank goodness.

And then I realized part way through when he was telling me about his last seven months of life and stating that he was single no less than three times that I had been chatting to him for almost an hour and it had only felt like a few seconds.

And then Nan and DogLady came over and chatted to him and they liked him very much witch goes along way in me liking him more, and then he said that he had to go because he had been invited for lunch and I kicked myself for not asking him myself, but then I smugly realized he must’ve been invited before I had spoken to him because he hadn’t hardly stopped talking to me, which is nice because on the rare occasion that I like someone they either don’t talk to me at all or they look really uncomfortable doing so.

Anyway he finished off with saying something about hopefully we’ll catch up soon and keep your eye out for the next photo from that awesome telescope and it was great meeting you and see you soon.

And I was completely jelly by that point so I just mumbled a ‘yeah’ and waved with a smile…and then that overwhelming urge to hit WowHeGotTall again as I realized that Mr.Wonderful was going to their house for lunch.

After getting home I did two things… firstly kicked myself because I really should’ve got a number because I think he was actually interested, and secondly I tried to figure out a way to go over to WowHeGotTall’s place so that I could hopefully catch Mr.Wonderful and maybe secure a lunch invitation myself….maybe I could take those cookies over now?

I spent the second half of the day firstly telling myself that I was being ridiculous and grow up, and you are not going over there, and then admitting that yes I did like him and that was ok but I’m not doing anything about it, because if things are meant to be I will meet him again, and then I will know, if not…well then I know also.

Today WowHeGotTall came to collect the cookies and I wanted to hit him again because he was telling me how Mr.Wonderful stayed for ages and is really nice and ‘oh you should’ve came for lunch mom made heaps…’

Damn it Sleepy hurry up and get here so I can winge to you and tell you exactly how he looked and repeat myself twenty nine times over and make you listen to myself talking myself out of it into it out of it into it, and then deriving a plan to accidently meet him again…please…I miss Sleepy!

Icing Cookies

Ok, I have a friend who has four children, My friend can be called… Farmville, seeing as she’s practically obsessed with the facebook game.

Now Farmville has three daughters, and one son.

In order from oldest to youngest.

Giggle aged 15

Sweetness aged 13

Boombox aged 11

And the son shorts aged 9

Anyway, I sometimes babysit them, and today sweetness came over, I was really busy still unpacking and stuff and I had baked all these cookies, I’d already given my neighbor some but I also had a bunch that I still hadn’t iced, so sweetness offered to ice them while I finished vacuuming and cleaning up the left over boxes in my room, I gladly accepted and all was good.

10 minutes later

There is a little knock on my door, I look up

‘hey sweetness’ I smile

‘h-hi…’ she mumbled as she looked at her shoes

‘what’s wrong?’ I was seriously worried

‘I-I had an… an accident’ she mumbled

‘stand up and talk properly, what did you say?’ I told her

‘I had an accident’ she repeated a little louder.

I was slightly concerned ‘what was it?’ I asked

‘well… I’m scared you’ll be really angry’ she said

‘did you break something? Seriously I don’t really own anything that I care enough about to get angry for an accident…’ I said

She didn’t answer

‘did you accidently kill my dog?’ I asked with a smile knowing full well that the dog was asleep on my bed behind me.

‘no…’

‘c’mon sweetness spit it out’

‘I spilled icing sugar on the floor’ she admitted

‘and?’

‘that’s it’ she mumbled returning her gaze to her shoes.

And all I could think was seriously? That’s it, who the hell ever gave her the impression that that could be a catalytic event?

‘oh really you spilled icing sugar?’ I asked making sure I had heard right

She nodded

‘well, I think I should ring your mom to come and get you.. I can’t believe you’d be so clumbsy as to spill icing sugar, and on the floor of all places!’ I said

She looked sincerely worried

‘sweetness… icing sugar seriously…? that’s not bad who cares…’ I laughed

She looked at me unsure

‘a messy cooks a good cook, who cares, it’s really not an issue’ I clarified

‘but its allot of icing sugar’ she explained

‘so what we need to go buy more to ice the biscuits?’ I asked

‘no there’s enough for that’ she said

‘hmm… well this sounds serious I better come and have a look’ I told her.

She worriedly followed me up the passage to the kitchen, and I looked at the floor to see all of about three tea spoons worth of icing sugar on the floor.

‘well…what a waste’ I shook my head and she didn’t seem to crack a smile at my jesting. I sighed… what I was about to do was going to be a waste, there was enough icing made up for the biscuits so I picked up the container and emptied the remainder of it on the floor, with an exadurated ‘oops’

I looked back to her and she gave me a wide smile.

‘now can you finish icing them or are you too traumatized?’ I asked

She giggled before stepping forward to ice the biscuits.

I finished the vacuuming and did some other odd jobs and then we sat down to play a game of monopoly and I could see her looking uncomfortable again.

‘ok I have a new rule’ I announced

She looked at me

‘in this house, you do not feel bad if you do something that you perceive as bad or wrong, and if you do do something that you perceive as bad or wrong, you probably didn’t do it, and if you can’t wrap your head around that and still feel bad or uncomfortable about it, you must express yourself, or you can’t come here’ I said

She thought for a moment before she said ‘I stole some thing’

I was shocked but tried not to show it

‘what did you steal?’

‘I iced 71 of the and that’s whole not halves and they looked really yummy and so I ate one half and then I counted and realized that I had to eat a second one because it was uneven’ she admitted

‘you ate a biscuit?’ I asked

‘two’ she clarified.

‘sweetness.. do your parents tell you off for stuff like this at home?’ I asked worriedly

‘no… but I know it’s wrong’ she explained.

‘right, so making a mess and eating biscuits is wrong…yes I see that’s a terrible thing to do’ I smiled

‘I’m serious’ she said

‘so am I, very bad of you’ I teased.

I just think if I do bad things you won’t like me’ she said.

I then launched into a conversation about there being no point in making someone like you if you aren’t happy in their company, she finally agreed and lightened up. Poor kid

But really she’s a pretty good kid…oh and I think she has a touch of hero worship for me, for the life of me I can’t figure out why, but its sweet.